Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. (Matthew 28:19-20)

The reading from today’s Morning Prayer is Ezekiel 36:25-27.

I will sprinkle clean water upon you to cleanse you from all your impurities, and from all your idols I will cleanse you. I will give you a new heart and place a new spirit within you, taking from your bodies your stony hearts and giving you natural hearts. I will put my spirit within you and make you live by my statutes, careful to observe my decrees. You shall live in the land I gave your fathers; you shall be my people, and I will be your God.

Not a whole lot of symbolism here, people.

A Gay Catholic Voice Against Same-Sex Marriage

As the hundred or so daily readers of eve-tushnet.blogspot.com, and a larger audience for her magazine writing, know by now, Ms. Tushnet can seem a paradox: fervently Catholic, proudly gay, happily celibate. She does not see herself as disordered; she does not struggle to be straight, but she insists that her religion forbids her a sex life.

Continue reading “A Gay Catholic Voice Against Same-Sex Marriage” >>

Amendment means change.  We must have not only a desire, but some sort of plan to change our ways.  Otherwise, we’re really not expressing any real sense of contrition.

On a personal note, I have recently re-adopted the Liturgy of the Hours as my firm purpose of amendment.  Without the Divine Office, I tend to start my days on a very positive note, but as soon as I get out into the world I find it much too easy to slide into my old ways.  The structure of this form of liturgical prayer helps me make sure that I take time throughout the day to turn my thoughts toward God.  The Liturgy of the Hours has become my strength in the never-ending battle against the rampant hedonism of our time.

When I confess and then say my Act of Contrition, I want to work harder to make sure that I truly have a firm purpose of amending my ways.

During nearly every phase of my life, I have struggled to wrangle control from God.  I have tried to ignore His call and do things my way because, after all, I know what’s best for me.  Honestly, it’s not always that much of a struggle.  I actually find it very easy to turn my back on God.  Each time, I realize my mistake, feel a sense of true contrition, and return to Him through the Sacraments.  In His infinite love and mercy, He always lifts me back up — making my faith stronger than ever before.

I really wish that it didn’t have to be this way.  My cycle of loving God, ignoring God, and loving God, is really quite exhausting.  Surely I should know by now that doing it God’s way is the right way.  Abandoning my own selfish motives and desires and offering myself to Him in complete submission always works.

Still, I find myself sitting here, with so many gifts for which I should be grateful, and yet I worry.  I worry about decisions that are out of my control, and focus on the very slight chance that things won’t work out exactly as orchestrated in my mind.  All of this worrying just sucks the energy right out of me, and distracts me from giving to the people that I care about most.

Dear Lord, please deliver me from this fear, which is nothing more than a lack of faith in your goodness.  Help me to be grateful for all that I have, and please help me to accept my life exactly as it comes to me each day…in accordance with your perfect plan.  Amen.

Our efforts to encourage some distant family to come and celebrate this weekend were moderately successful.  I have four distant family members in my home now, two of whom I have never met until this event.  I have been doing what every normal person does when they have company over that they don’t really know very well — cooking and cleaning.

I wonder why it is that whenever I’m a little uncomfortable and don’t know what to say, I feel the need to feed people.  I guess it gives me something to focus on, a justifiable busyness that will hopefully be a good excuse to avoid thinking of things to say.

Birthdays and family celebrations always seem to revolve around food for us.  I am praying for the strength to avoid gluttony.  I pray that God will fill me with the comfort that I sometimes seek through food and artificial busyness.  And may the good Lord bless my Grandmother, who has worked so hard throughout her days, and is most deserving of his unending love.

I’m not sure what causes me to be so self-centered.  I only know that it’s a constant struggle to stay on the path to a spiritual and virtuous life.  As always, I am grateful for the limitless mercy of God.  This Lenten season, I am making a commitment to do a thorough examination of conscience every day.  My hope is that I will identify these selfish tendencies in the early stages and correct them before two more months go by.

So I’ll make this resolution once more.  In fact, I’ll keep making this resolution until I leave this life.  God is first.  No exceptions.